Couples’ Counseling with New Horizons Counseling
Learning to communicate effectively is like learning a foreign language or learning to play a musical instrument – instruction and practice over time are critical to acquiring the ability to make it happen. These skills need to be available when there is an important message to convey, a need to hear our partner when they are very upset, or just to be able to bond with each other in a much more meaningful way.
Why is communication so important for couples?
Some kind of communication is foundational to connection. It is how we connect intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually with another person. Even our physical connection requires communication. Couples often begin with intellectual connection, proceed to emotional connection, and experience rewarding spiritual and physical connection as they grow closer to each other. We need to really hear our partner and to connect with them in a meaningful way in which they feel safe, loved, and appreciated.
What are some common communication mistakes?
Oftentimes we don’t really set aside our agenda and listen as well as we should. Therefore, we may miss the message that our partner is trying to convey. It takes effort to listen well. We need to listen for the situation that our partner is presenting, what they make of it (thinking), how they feel about it, and the effect the situation has on them. The ability to look for these aspects of communication and reflect them back to the speaker is key to the speaker feeling like they have been heard. A person who is heard feels validated and tends to feel safe to open up and share more information. Couples need to be careful to listen first and understand without talking over or interrupting the other person. Each person needs to be heard. Don’t be too quick to “fix” the problem or offer solutions.
How long does it take to improve communication skills?
This depends on where each person is in their communication skill level. It also depends on the interest each person has in becoming a better communicator. Communication is a skill. Much like learning a foreign language, communication skills are learned through instruction and practical application. Some couples can make progress in their communication within a few sessions while others may require more work over a period of 8-12 weeks, which is considered short-term treatment.